And his names is Gak. This has tasted and rated 3,853 beers since January 1992. His list is here. Bow down before the true King of Beers.

The best part is his admission that “…there should be a lot more beers on this list, but I wasn’t always capable of writing during some of the tasting sessions…” I’m wishing this guy was my neighbor instead of the smelly Hungarian bear herder that hibernates next door currently.

More information has come out regarding the Paula “find mommy’s ginny” Poundstone. A neighbor reported Poundstone to the police, and there was an extensive investigation before the arrest was made. She posted a $200,000 bond to get out of jail, which means her bail was actually $1 million. The court doesn’t impose a $1M bail for traffic tickets, my friends. The evidence must be strong for it to be that high. This is a tragic story. For whatever reasons these kids are no longer with their natural parents, and they go to foster homes to try to rebuild a life that somewhat resembles normality. Crimes against children are the worst of the worst. And because this situation has plenty of comic potential, we’ll be watching it very closely.

As I said for mother-of-the-decade Andrea Yates, maybe they should shave Paula Poundstone’s head and donate that rat mangle hair she has to LocksOfLove.com. LocksOfLove.com makes hairpieces for children that have lost hair for one reason or another and whose family don’t have the money to buy a quality hair replacement for their child. I personally think that should be part of the punishment for every person found guilty of a crime against a child — shave their head and donate the hair.

So the Microsoft breakup was overturned. Ok, question. Who didn’t see this coming? Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates is a big Republican. He paid Ralph Reed, former director of the Christian Coalition, to lobby president dubya on this issue. Did I mention that Ralph Reed was also one of dubya’s top campaign advisors? That means Reed was pocketing money to lobby dubya while he was working at a top official in the campaign. Dubya gets in office, Microsoft gets the benefit. What I want to know is, when will the congressional investigations begin?

Update: (by Taranis) As much as it saddens me, it seems Jetteva has been spirited away by men in dark suits driving black Suburbans. I told him to ease up on the Dub a little, but he really hates that “man” with a passion. Here’s hoping he comes back to us with only slight rear entry wounds.

I’ve said many times in this arena as well as others that humans are growing dumber as a whole. I recently saw some folks from Illinois on the highway trying to prove me right.

Though I don’t live in Tennessee, I do work there so I realize that there are legal differences between there and Georgia. Many things such as TN has no state income tax and GA does. TN allows beer over 6% alcohol to be sold where as GA doesn’t. GA allows video poker machines whereas TN does not. GA has a state lottery and TN does not. Another difference and one that brings me back to the family of Illini is that TN allows the sale and ignition of fireworks and GA does not.

This Illini family, which was headed to Atlanta judging by the hand-scrawled on notebook paper sign they had taped to their window that read, “Hotlanta or Bust,” had stopped somewhere in Tennessee to stock up on fireworks. Now, most folks would have just thrown them in a bag and set them in the backseat. Oh no, not only had these people neglected the idea of a “shopping bag” but they had chosen to put the fireworks on the little shelf below the rear window of their Aries K. In addition, they had boxes of fireworks tied to the roof of the car.

So, I fly by them at about 90 hoping that the spontaneous combustion that is imminent doesn’t occur at that precise moment and I wonder allowed about the quality of education at the University of Illinois when I notice their front license plate proclaiming their alumni status of that fine institution. My theory on the draining intelligence of humans couldn’t be better illustrated.

I guess it was a matter of time before it happened. the folks at Real Doll have been promising us for months and they have finally made a Male Realdoll for all the lonely women in the world. As if the Real Doll weren’t sad enough, now we have the male counterpart.

This all brings me to my theory that 90% of the women in America could get laid any time they wanted, regardless of mitigating circumstances. Some folks say 100%, but have seen a few women who most likely couldn’t hold up their end of that bargain. Anyway, with numbers like that, why would any woman want to drop 7 grand on a fake man, when you can get a vibrator for 20 bucks at any porn shop in the city.

One thing I am overlooking here is the appeal this may have for gay men. Well, judging from the few gay guys I know, they get laid more than Madonna. So, that’s not really a problem for them either. I guess in the end, I would just like to see the financials for Real Doll and try to figure out who is actually buying this shit.

Comedian Paula Poundstone has been arrested and accused of lewd acts on children. She could get 13 years in prison if found guilty. She also says the charges are, “one hundred percent incorrect.” But I beg to differ.

Nothing says “I’m guilty” more than looking like that. She might as well be trying to cover her face with a file folder at this point. Honestly thought, the fact that she is a known lesbian makes me think she may be innocent.

And here I thought this was the biggest known dyke.

I mean, when have you ever heard of a lesbian pedophile comedian? I never have. That sounds more like a whacky sitcom on the WB.

I can see the description in my TV Guide now: Forty-ish Lesbian pedophile comedian adopts 7 children. Guest staring Rosie O’Donnell. Show opens with Paula and Rose at a Melissa Etheridge concert, eating corn dogs and talking about the last Tom Cruise movie. I’m afraid it’s all downhill from there, but what would you expect from the WB?

Oscar-winning actor Jack Lemmon,76, died Wednesday night at USC/Norris Cancer Center.

The Federal Reserve cut short-term interest rates by a quarter of a percentage point Wednesday, its sixth cut this year, as part of a continuing effort to keep the U.S. economy from slipping into a recession. The current interest rate is now -14%. You will now earn money by borrowing money from the bank.

Alan Greenspan stated, “It’s a unique plan I’m trying out to make sure that redneck Texan won’t wreak our economy.”

“I didn’t think it was going to be that tough,” Greenspan continued, “but that nut seems determined to drive the US economy into the ground. Who would have guessed I’d have to cut the interest rate so low it would be in negative numbers?” Not I, Mr. Greenspan, not I.

When asked by a Spitting Llamas Staff Reporter if the negative interest rate could put banks out of business, Greenspan replied, “they charge you to use the ATM now, those bastards. Let them suffer a bit. They nickel and dime our asses to death.”

State Farm has released their list of the most dangerous intersections. When the Spitting Llamas research team studied the list, we noticed one peculiarity. The most car wreaks also happen at the most dangerous intersection. Coincidence?? To find out more we sent the Spitting Llamas beat reporter to this “dangerous” intersection. Unfortunately, he was struck by a car and killed. As a side note, if anyone is interested in becoming a Spitting Llamas beat reporter, please contact us immediately.

Even though my standards in life, such as what I eat and drink are fairly low, I’d like to think that my standards for code and women are very high. To that end, I have made sure that this page’s CSS is 100% standards compliant and also that we replace the picture of the world’s sexiest geek with this photo:

Now that we know where we our standards are, let’s get on with the whipped-cream wrasslin’.

Due to lack of sleep, I find my creativity taking it’s own break, so I’m sticking mostly to the facts today. Don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll be back with complete hilarity and hijinks.

I found this to be an interesting article. One, it makes fun of Dubya, and two, it makes fun of what Dubya says about Capital Punishment. You can’t get much better than that boys and girls.

While Dubya was in Europe, reporters hammered away at him regarding the US policy on Capital Punishment. He tried to hide it in “safe” statements like, “we should never execute anyone who is retarded.” But Texas has executed 6 inmates classified as retarded while dubya was the gov. A retarded person is defined as someone that has an IQ of 70 or below, or roughly the IQ of an 8 year old. It makes me wonder if we are going to start executing 8 year olds next. If we can execute someone with an adult body but the mind of an 8 year old, then it’s not a big step to just killing 8 year olds. Eight year olds do kill, by the way. As we’ve seen with the two men in Liverpool were just let out of jail on parole, they were found guilty of murderering a 2 year old when they were 8. Lets get talking about this on our forum, shall we?

The complexity of the human race absolutely amazes me, but I fear that our species is at its breaking point in the hierarchical chain of being when search terms such as “zoo for sex couple wife in jamica” are actually being used by some disturbed web surfer. What’s even more frightening is that it somehow lead them to this site. Is SpittingLlamas a harbinger of the extinction of the human species?