You may have seen these already, but these stupid Flash movies make their way around the web lickety-split. You should check out a Mario Bros. redux if your into having excruciating pain inflicted on your most sensitive areas. Or else, you are mentally deficient and need stimulus to remind you to breathe. I forgot to breathe once, but the fact that I had a goldfish floating in a half gallon of Old Crow in mah belly probably had more to with that than any brain damage.
Jetteva’s comments about McVeigh reminded me of my own feelings toward dying. I feel that I don’t really mind or care about being dead, because I believe in an afterlife of some sort, but what I am really scared of is getting sick or injured and having to stare at people like this until I am finally taken to the sweet surrender of sanctuary.
Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh dropped his last appeals yesterday, clearing the way for his execution on Monday morning. President Dubbya was quoted as saying, “YEEEEEHAAWWWW! There’s gonna be a hangin!” When a staffer pointed out that death row inmates are not hung, he replied, “well… damn. And I was going to have the misses pack a cooler and make it a picnic.”
On the other side of the planet, a man armed with a kitchen knife forced his way into an elementary school in western Japan killing at least eight children and injuring 26 more, authorities said. President Dubbya was quoted as saying, “YEEEEEHAAWWWW! There’s gonna be a hangin!” When a staffer pointed out that Japan does not hang people either, he replied, “Well… is there beer left in the fridge, spanky?”
Two Sony executives were suspended from work when it was found out that they had created a fictional film critic whose ecstatic appraisals were used to promote films released by Sony’s Columbia Pictures studio. Speaking of critics, Jon Smith of the weekly publication Best of the Web had this to say about SpittingLlamas.com: “You guys are the funniest bunch I’ve ever met. Your website is the greatest one I’ve ever seen. In fact, to call it a mere web site is not fair — it’s a work of art and should be placed in the Guggenhiem. Not to mention you all are the sexiest bunch of manly-men I’ve ever met. I want to bear your childen. You are gifts to society-at-large who should be worshiped and revered. There should be national holiday named after you. People should send you money in the mail.” Wow, who can argue with that?
It appears my headline from yesterday (Has anyone seen my underwear?) foretold one of the most disgusting stories of today. That story is, of course, the Disney Jockstrap and Panty scandal.
It seems many of the characters at Walt Disney World were required to wear Disney-issued underwear underneath their costumes. And before going home each night, employees had to turn in the undergarments with the rest of their costume. They then picked up a different set the next day. “Yes, boys and girls. Donald is wearing the same jockey that Goofy’s balls sweated in yesterday. Now, let’s talk about the wonders of pubic lice and scabies.”