I was lying in my bed last night wondering how it is they fill a keg. I’ve done my fair share of emptying them but I have never been able to figure out exactly how they get that beer in there without the thing blowing up. I can just imagine the numbers of worker’s comp cases flying around because of exploding keg injuries down at the local brewery. So, I searched the internet for “filling a keg” and here’s what I found:

• Jim’s fairly interesting and detailed instructions
• A picture of some guy not following safety precautions (or general fashion know-how)
• An overly technical description of the procedure

I was hoping to find pictures of nude women filling beer kegs but all I found when I searched for that was this: My Name is Dean and I am an Alcoholic. That pretty much ruined my day.

It won’t be long before the King of Pop releases a new album. MJ News International (obviously an objective news source) claims that about 60 Sony executives swarmed a Manhattan studio for an official playback of the new release. Reports are that the album, which includes appearances by Fred Durst, Destiny’s Child, and Santana, is set for a September release. No word if MJ will still have a nose by then.

Florida governor Jeb Bush signed into law a bill banning the execution of mentally retarded killers. The law does not specify how low an inmate’s IQ level must be for the inmate to be considered retarded. However, it does define retarded as having below-normal intellectual functions and behavior. An analysis by legislative employees apparently found that the bill would probably spare any inmate with an IQ of 70 or less. Stay tuned for news on my new company that guarantees your client can be retarded, too.

Here are some actual log files of “conversations” Taranis and I have had. I thought I’d post them just in case you weren’t sure if we were completly nuts yet.

Jetteva: i always forget to put an f’ing subject on my posts.. each damn time…

Taranis: retard

Jetteva: i should stop huffing lighter fluid.

Taranis: or snorting coke off some transsexual hooker’s ass.

Taranis: I have swanky nads

Jetteva: I’ve heard them refered to as svelt, but not swanky.

Taranis: maybe just hunt us down and shoot us

Jetteva: oh yeah, people can buy more guns with their $600 per year tax cut.

Taranis: I haven’t see a check yet…you?

Jetteva: not me.. it’ll just be spread out.. ’bout .67 cents per pay check.

Taranis: nah…they are supposed to send a rebate check.

Jetteva: well, shit. whores?

Taranis: as long as they don’t leave till six in the morning

Taranis: we should post some of our ICQ histories and/or IRC logs on SL somewhere…so people could be forewarned of our idiocy

Jetteva: then they’d ask us how we remember to breath.

A Dallas, TX radio station joked that pop star Britney Spears died in a car accident Tuesday night, with her boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, setting off an international flurry of rumors. Radio station KEGL “The Eagle” in Dallas-Ft. Worth, Texas said the two were involved in a car accident. JOKE?!?!… This is their idea of a joke?!?! Thanks you fucks! I spent all freaking night hugging my N’SYNC posters and whispering Justin’s name over and over…

Moderate Rhode Island Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee says if Republicans took back the majority in the Senate, he would consider leaving the party — tipping the balance back to the Democrats. The Rhode Island senator said he is disappointed Jeffords’ defection did not change the partisan tone from his party leaders. Note to Republicans: When you’re led by an idiot, you’re going to have trouble. You can’t tell me you actually thought Bush was better than McCain. The only thing Dubbya had on McCain was more money, and we know how republicans jump at money.

A cease-fire plan, proposed by CIA director George Tenet and agreed to by the Palestinians in late-night negotiations and earlier by Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, raised the prospect of an end to nearly nine months of violence. I find it very interesting the this deal was brokered by the head of the CIA. Not Colin Powell, who is suppose to do things like this, but George Tenet. I wonder if there was some ‘ruler-slapping-the-knuckles’ going on, and that’s why they sent the CIA. If so, it’s about time. Someone needs to box their ears to get them back in shape.

Turns out Tiger Woods has master yet another sport. Fly Fishing. Suddenly, we’ll see Nike fishing rods.