Anonymous Pentagon officials claim President Bush will soon announce his decision to end Navy bombing exercises on Vieques Island. The exercises, which take place off the coast of Puerto Rico, will reportedly cease as early as 2003. Now, I’m not sure how long it takes to find a bomb-friendly island, but two years seems like a very long time. It also seems fortuitously close to a re-election that requires Dubya to garner Hispanic votes if he has any hope of winning. Or have I seen one too many episodes of The West Wing?

While many mainstream organizations have been hit with hiring freezes and layoffs, many porn Web sites are hiring tech workers. And workers who have jumped to porn sites say the move makes sense; they’re using the latest technologies and have job security. I don’t know about you, but I’d think it’d be awfully hard to program with only one hand on the keyboard.

The master of the 15-minute meeting, Dubby has been complaining about how long the meetings are as he tours Europe trying to convince our allies another cold war would be cool.

The Food and Drug Administration is seriously considering banning “sunny-side up” eggs from all restaurants. The concerned is salmonella can hide within the yolk of an egg if it is not completely cooked. Last year they banned the import of Swiss Cheese that has holes larger than one-inch in diameter. If it wasn’t for them, we’d be eating cheese with larger holes, and then where would be all be, huh??!?

CART has managed to slow their cars down. CART race cars are the fastest in the world, with the ability to exceed 260 mph on some race tracks. A race in Houston had to be canceled several weeks ago because in warm-up, the drivers were experiencing 6 g’s for 70% of the lap, and began to pass out after 30 laps. CART does not attribute the slower speeds to the newly imposed areodynamic changes, but instead they moved all the sexy racing babes to the front row where the drivers can see them.