The Federal Reserve cut short-term interest rates by a quarter of a percentage point Wednesday, its sixth cut this year, as part of a continuing effort to keep the U.S. economy from slipping into a recession. The current interest rate is now -14%. You will now earn money by borrowing money from the bank.
Alan Greenspan stated, “It’s a unique plan I’m trying out to make sure that redneck Texan won’t wreak our economy.”
“I didn’t think it was going to be that tough,” Greenspan continued, “but that nut seems determined to drive the US economy into the ground. Who would have guessed I’d have to cut the interest rate so low it would be in negative numbers?” Not I, Mr. Greenspan, not I.
When asked by a Spitting Llamas Staff Reporter if the negative interest rate could put banks out of business, Greenspan replied, “they charge you to use the ATM now, those bastards. Let them suffer a bit. They nickel and dime our asses to death.”
State Farm has released their list of the most dangerous intersections. When the Spitting Llamas research team studied the list, we noticed one peculiarity. The most car wreaks also happen at the most dangerous intersection. Coincidence?? To find out more we sent the Spitting Llamas beat reporter to this “dangerous” intersection. Unfortunately, he was struck by a car and killed. As a side note, if anyone is interested in becoming a Spitting Llamas beat reporter, please contact us immediately.
