Check your calendars everyone. Today is the 54th anniversary of the Roswell “Incident.” Just in case you were wondering how long we’ve been living with aliens. I’m wondering just how long I’ve been living with this rash.

Vice President Dick Cheney returned to work Monday morning, after being fit with a device to correct any irregular heart rhythm. Any of you see the movie Weekend at Bernie’s? You know the movie… two guys, for some reason or another, have to convince everyone that Bernie is alive, but he’s really dead. So they cart his dead ass body around town to parties and other comic situations, putting him in fun poses.

Why is it that when I think of Dick Cheney, I think of this movie? Is it a deep rooted fear that if he die’s no one will be running the country and that we really are stuck with dubya? Yeah, that’s probably it. But don’t worry, I’m sure the White House has the plan down pat. If he keels over on us, they are going to cart his fat, rich ass around to make us all think he’s really alive. To be honest with you, I think he’s been dead for about 2 months now and to prevent large-scale riots, no one will tell us. Really though, when you think about the technology we have, I’m sure the government could make it look like someone was alive, even if they really weren’t. Hell, he could be an alien! (see first story)

Take a look at this picture:

Does he look like he’s alive in that photo? How about that blond chick smirking in the back. I think she knows it. She the one holding his fat ass up.

Note: the above picture of Dick Cheney was swiped from cnn.com without any permission what-so-ever. If they are mad they can sue us. In fact, I kinda hope they sue us, we could use the attention a lawsuit would bring. And believe me when I say, we’d milk it for all it’s worth.