Hackers, I hate that word, have taken over the website of Nelson Mandela’s Childrens Fund Organization. It’s one thing to hack a website, but when you redirect people visiting a site to try and help children to a page with a picture of a partially nude teenage girl, you have some serious problems.

Child pornography is bad enough and usually peddled by ass boils holed in their mother’s basements. When they start attacking the people trying to fight this aberration, that’s when you and I can’t stand back and say “I don’t do it, so, what else can I do.” The problem is difficult though because the pornography of adults is legal in most places. So, now we’re policing based on age, just like we do with alcohol and cigarettes, and we can all see how successful that has been.

I think one of the greatest problems with policing this type of activity and any other deviant sexual practices, is that the detectives and investigators have to get to close and too involved in activity. They are surrounded by it and it just can’t be healthy. My mother always told me, “You can never forget what you hear and what you see. Part of it becomes part of you.”

We here at Spitting Llamas attempt to bring you some light satire from time to time. Satire is extremely hard to write and, frankly, our skills are like schools who get poor test scores, underfunded. Sure, it’s not their fault, they’re just underfunded. Anyway, in the spirit of great satire, I thought I would link to the Is Your Son a Computer Hacker? story that has been circulating for a few days.

Though many of the people who have left comments on this story seem to be really angry about what Mr. Gibbons wrote, very few of them seem to be able to recognize satire. This then would be the perfect primer, the best satire ever written: A Modest Proposal. Just to prove a bit of his razor sharp wit, I offer this quote:

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

There’s a debate in our forums whether Mr. Gibbons is a great satirist or just a buffoon. Click here to join the discussion. Please don’t get me started on why this version of the story seems to be slightly different than this version (slow link).

I recently started playing racquetball again just to acquire some semblance of health. It helps that my dad bought me a new racquet for my birthday and that several guys from work play at the local gym.

So, with all this racquetball talk floating around, you can’t imagine my pleasure at finding the website of the 5 time National Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, I present Sudsy Monchik. Don’t miss the captivating intro.

What’s the mean to you and me? Jack freaking squat. Unless your a quad-jillionare. If you are, I’m related to you.

You can enjoy a nice F1 race right here.

There has been an underground Email campaign to protest Coca-Cola’s marketing affiliation with the hit film Harry Potter. By underground, I mean no one really cares.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest (the perfect name for a self-serving think tank, don’t you think?) oppose Coke’s marketing efforts because soda is not healthy for kids.

“From now on, when people say “Harry Potter, a lot of kids are not going to think about the book or movie, they’re going to think about Coca-Cola,” says Michael Jocobson, the Center’s Executive Director. “They’re turning Harry Potter into a sales vehicle for junk food.”

Excuse me while I do a few pre-rant stretches. I wouldn’t want to pull a muscle while I’m flaming.

Ok, I’m ready.

Who the fuck do you think you are?! Confuse Harry Potter with junk food? I’m sorry, but that’s about the craziest thing I’ve heard.

I grew up on Star Wars and the barrage of Burger King related Kid’s Meal cross selling. Never once did I ever confuse Star Wars with a deep-fat fried potato wedge or paper thin burger-like sandwhich.

Coca-Cola is doing exactly what you are doing, Mr. Jacobson. Riding Harry Potter’s ass to get more attention. Except your doing it in a dumb way.

If you going to complain about Harry Potter, why not complain about the witchcraft? It’s the cola that pisses you off??

Five reasons why the U.S. should give Britain assurances that Osama bin Laden will not face the death penalty should British troops capture and extradite him to the United States.

1) Since Britain is required by national law and by the European Human Rights Convention not to extradite anyone to a country where a suspect could receive the death penalty, we may not get our hands on bin Laden without providing certain assurances (if, of course, this situation were to occur).

2) It’s more important to have the confessed instigator of multiple terrorist attacks in U.S. custody than it is to ensure that he faces the death penalty.

3) Giving bin Laden the death penalty should he be captured and tried in the U.S. might make him the martyr that he seeks to become.

4) Placing bin Laden in prison in the country he despises would probably be considered by him a worse punishment than execution. (Though it might seem like the Marriott considering the holes he’s been inhabiting.)

5) Lastly, he wouldn’t last six months in an American prison. If the hope is to get revenge on bin Laden, just try him and put him in prison. There’ll be a mile-long line of inmates itching to get a huge rep by making bin Laden their cell block bitch or shoving a rusty spoon in his craw. (Though I might’ve seen one too many episodes of “Oz“.)

Reason #341 why you shouldn’t give your yogurt to emotionally unstable Lesbians.

A company called Applied Autonomy has an creepy, yet interesting website called iSee. The long and short of it is that it maps surveillance cameras in urban environments and helps you plot directions around town so you are spied on less.

Manhattan is the only city listed thus far. Interesting idea, but after 9-11 it’s only a matter of time before iSee is shut down, I’m sure.

Did I miss something? How can a judge in Freehold, New Jersey jail 228 striking teachers simply because they refused to go back to work? Did teachers suddenly become enlisted personnel considered AWOL when they leave their posts? Would they also be arrested if they simply quit?

Am I wrong or aren’t we supposed to be entering a time when America honors its ‘true’ heroes? Or have we decided that it’s high time we alienate yet another social class? If this is the case, I wish someone would’ve told me. I’m having a heck of a time keeping track of all the types of people I’m supposed to hate.