Astronomers at John Hopkins have announced that when the visable light of the universe is averaged together, you get pale turquoise. I hope they weren’t using a government grant to discover this amazing shard of information.

While I’m sure this is going to set the field of Astronomy on its end, Karl Glazebrook and Ivan Baldry, the scientist who made this discovery, will hopefully not need Nobel Peace Prize speeches soon.

A top staffer said at the White House said no official holiday would be created to mark the discovery, though we are all free to celebrate in whatever manner we wished. “It’s a free country,” the staffer said, “so if you want to commemorate this day you can, though we think it’s pretty damn stupid too.”

Scientists think that the universe first went through a “blue phase,” when it was populated with young stars; then shifted into its current “turquoise,” with its mixture of young and old. Eventually we are in the for the ass-kicking “red phase,” when there is nothing but old red giant stars.

Now I’m going to have to buy a new pair of fuck-me pumps to keep up with the Universe’s new phase. I own nothing in turquoise.