Men have many unspoken rules among them. Like, only turn down a free beer if you are at a funeral. But there is one guy rule that stands king among all others - the condo stall.
Simply put, the condo stall is the big stall at the end. There is always one condo stall in a guy’s bathroom. Technically, it’s the handicap-equipped stall but guys refer to it for what it is, the condo stall. It’s larger, offers more elbowroom, plenty of room to open up a newspaper and the toilet paper dispenser isn’t jabbing into your ribs like the other stalls.
Guy rule: always always always use the condo stall. Avoid the other smaller stalls like the plague. If the condo stall is taken, leave and come back. Unless you’re in severe pain. But if you can’t handle some cramping then what kind of guy are you anyway?
The last time I was partaking in the condo stall I had a random thought: why not make them all condo stalls? Why only make one condo stall and the others all smaller? Space reasons? I don’t think so.
It’s not more efficient to make smaller stalls and one condo stall. No guys use the smaller stalls anyway, so technically they are a complete waste of space. If you had fewer stalls that were all condo sized, guys would use all of them thus making better use of space.
The other night while cosbysweater and I were dining at our local Red Robin burger joint, I told him about my theory of the condo stall. He related a story.
Cosbysweater was performing his business at a urinal when a guy entered the bathroom and didn’t go to the condo stall, even though it was vacant. I know, you’re thinking, what kind of pansy is this? Doesn’t he know the guy rule about the condo stall??
Cosbysweater was in a very awkward situation. Should he tell the guy to do the guy thing and go to the condo stall? But if so, he’d violate to other guy bathroom rule - never talk while in the bathroom. What a dilemma. Maybe the wrong-stall guy just wasn’t aware of the rule? Maybe his manhood was not yet complete.
And who designs bathrooms anyway? I’m going to assume that not all architects who have designed a men’s bathroom are actually women. That being the case, they should know the rules! Why are they putting the rest of us guys into those situations? Aren’t they on the team?
So I put forth this to the world’s architects: design all stalls to be condo stalls. Don’t leave your brethren in the uncomfortable situation Cosbysweater was just in a scant few days ago. I hearby call for condo stalls for all!
You know of other man rules? Do share for all so no man will be caught unawares.