Is it just me, or does it make zero sense for police officers to be trolling the streets on Segways? These ‘technological marvels’ go only 12 miles per hour and currently cost $9,000. That’s the same price of three or four very nice mountain bikes—which won’t need to be plugged in, can travel at higher rates of speed, traverse multiple terrain types, and offer actual exercise.

I can just imagine a barbaric criminal escaping down Main Street as he’s followed by two chubby officers who can’t seem to get their Segways over that pile of rocks by the Park. Along comes Officer Fit, who on her $1,500 Trek, overtakes her slow-moving, out-of-shape colleagues, bunny hops the rock pile, and pounces on the unsuspecting outlaw. Justice served. Money saved. Stupidity conquered. Any questions?