What do the following have in common?

Weaker-Dart

Addles-Beckon

Boast-Draft

Pallor-Gene

Banish-Gloss

Planer-Groves

Video-Bench

Driver-Wapiti

Sultry-Floods

Zodiac-Winnow

Blare-Bagel

Apexes-Amulet

Cola-Shrub

They are all the unique passwords I received over the past 2 weeks from AOL to redeem 1000 free hours. Yes, in two weeks while away on Grand Jury duty, I received 13,000 free hours of AOL use. I’m sure somewhere on the internet is a collection of all the stupid passwords they use. Feel free to help yourself to any of the above.

Last night someone broke into my car. Yes, my plastic Geo Tracker. Some genius took a razor blade to my plastic window, cut it open, unlocked the door and ransacked with glee. They didn’t take anything, because the last idiot who broke in 4 months ago already has my radio/CD player.

Now, what I’d like to know is this: what exactly do people think I have in my car? It’s plastic. The windows, if you can call them that, are made of plastic and flag more than an American flag in the wind. With that as my only line of defense, what would I be hiding in my car? Gold bullion from that Spanish dive expedition to uncover long lost treasures from the Roman empire? Or maybe jack-freaking-squat because my windows are PLASTIC!

Listen, you crooks out there need to use your noggin. Plastic cars don’t yield bounty.