Damn… my hand got stuck… shit, now my watch is gone.

I want to be President. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to sit in the Oval Office, with the Pope, Tony Blair, and the Olsen Twins a speed dial away. But how does a schmo like me run for President? I have no money, no political backing, and no connections of any sort.

Would you like to run for President, too? Well, now you can.

It’ll be something like American Idol, except most of the participants are bound to be ugly. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “politics is Hollywood for ugly people.”

Any American that qualifies has the chance to run for President in the 2004 elections as a real people’s candidate. To get a chance at American history, applicants will have to fill out questionnaires, provide videotapes in which they explain why they would make a great president and put together a group of 50 supporters from their community who will serve as sponsors.

Each week the competitors will face contests and be narrowed down. The finalist can then launch a full-fledged Presidential campaign.

So get off your ass, arm chair politicians. Here is your chance to prove you can do it better than dubbya.

To bad I’m under 35, or I’d sign up right away.