We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.

- Titus Livius

Reminds me of this chick at Yale…

Laurence Eagleburger: She said it was this big.
Fred Thompson: That’s not what she told me, burgerboy.

I swear, they were this big!

It appears that some actual physical evidence of the existence of Jesus Christ may have been found. Apparently, they found the tomb of Jesus’ brother with an inscription describing his relation to Jesus. This brings to mind some interesting possibilities. If there were any DNA available, should they clone him and see how he looks to get some idea of what Jesus looked like? He wouldn’t have the memories of the time, but everyone could finally get a glimpse of what Jesus may have looked like. Of course, this assumes that Jesus status as the birth of an Immaculate Conception wouldn’t have modified the way he looked. It also ignores the fact that Joseph’s DNA wouldn’t have been involved like it was with his brother.

This scenario begs some scientific questions. Such as, was Jesus’ embryo implanted into Mary’s womb as an already fertilized egg? Or was some God-sperm inserted into her uterus which then combined with Mary’s DNA to create Jesus? These are questions that no one seems to have ever asked, probably because they might be sacreligious or we realize that we will never know the answers.

Well, there’s certainly some interesting possibilities here. The religious right would probably try to take over the country if any sort of scientific experiments were attempted with the DNA they might find in the tomb. I can’t believe that they aren’t up in arms with the removal of the burial tomb from its place.

Then again, how important was Jesus’ brother to the whole Christian soap opera? I’m no Bible scholar, but I certainly don’t remember reading too much about him. In fact, after Jesus disappears for those few years, you don’t hear much more about his family at all, to my recollection. I suppose the intention is that the entire human race are his children and only God is his father.

With such a renouncement of his human parents who cared for him, can we consider the Immaculate Conception little more than a nice retelling of the rapes that Zeus committed as a swan in the Greek mythos? And what of Joseph’s jealousy? It’d be awfully hard to believe in such an excuse when your virginal wife becomes pregnant. And how virginal could she have been if she was married? Was it not the custom of the times to sleep with your wife on the first night of your marriage as it is now?

Add to that the pressure on Jesus’ brother. He would never have been able to live up to what his brother had done. I can see it, “He Mom, Dad! Look, I created nuclear fission!”

“Nice, but can you walk on water?”

It’d be a bit of a curse, I think. Thousands of people are worshipping your brother and meanwhile you get to keep the ox stall clean. It certainly wouldn’t seem fair.

So, the discovery of this tomb has taught us that Jesus had a brother who didn’t rise up to heaven after 3 days. Jesus’ mother didn’t stay a virgin. I don’t know anything about the Bible. If Jerry Falwell reads this, I might get some nasty email. Science creates more questions than it answers.

Ideally, in my world, with proof or not, I will still believe what I believe. That’s what faith is. You can’t constantly be trying to prove to others how right you are and consider yourself a faithful person. To have faith means to believe regardless of proof one way or the other. If they found a parchment tomorrow written by Jesus himself answering all the questions I just posed, would you become a true believer?

Here’s a picture of the tomb:

An empty ossuary, or limestone burial box for bones is seen with an inscription in Aramaic reading ‘ “James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus.”, in this undated handout photo. The burial artifact that was recently discovered in Israel appears to provide the oldest archaeological evidence of Jesus Christ, according to Andre Lemaire, a specialist in ancient inscriptions at France’s Practical School of Higher Studies, who dates it to three decades after the crucifixion, 63 A.D. (AP Photo/Shanks’ Biblical Archaeology Review)

Yesterday as I was reading the paper and waiting to enjoy dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ house, I came across yet another example of irresponsible reporting dripping from the anus of AP. Some reporter, and I use that word lightly, took the phrases “I am God” and “word is bond” from John Allen Muhammad’s sniper letter and proceeded to link the guy to an African-American group called the Five Percenters, as well as rappers Busta Rhymes and the Wu-Tang Clan.
Five Percenters believe the black man was the first man formed in the image of God and that this makes the black man a God as well. (This, of course, is a concept that is as old as mankind. Some argue it’s this very idea that resulted in Adam’s downfall.) Whatever your opinion of the Five Percenters and their beliefs, the fact that Muhammad used the phrase “I am God” does not make him a member of this organization.

How many books and movies are there in which a character thinks he or she is God? Yet the Associated Press does not write an article saying Muhammad is possibly a member of the “Red Dragon” fan club. Just a few months ago in Brentwood, NH, a man on trial for robbery said, “I’m God.” Oddly, the AP didn’t connect this robbery suspect with Muhammad. Why?

Maybe it’s because the robbery suspect didn’t also use the phrase “word is bond”. Surely, this phrase is not uttered outside the intimate circles of the Five Percenters. It’s not at all possible that this is merely the shortening of “my word is my bond”. Thus, Muhammad has to be connected to the Five Percenters, as does anyone else that uses said phrase.

My mother always says, “my word is my bond”. She must be a Five Percenter. She must also listen to Busta Rhymes and the Wu-Tang Clan. And, in turn, she must somehow be connected to Muhammad’s killing spree. Imagine my shock at this revelation.

The fact that my mother has been saying, “my word is my bond” since long before the Five Percenters were established doesn’t matter. The fact that my mother couldn’t pick Busta Rhymes and the Wu-Tang Clan out of a lineup that included only Busta Rhymes and the Wu-Tang Clan doesn’t matter. Also irrelevant is the fact that early Americans used this very phrase as collateral when they had nothing but their word to offer. And never mind the fact that membership applicants to the Vietnam Veterans of Ventura County, Inc. sign a document using these very words. My mother said, “my word is my bond”. Someone tell AP to crap out a news article connecting her to the sniper.

Sadly, there will likely never be another article covering this matter because some editor will see it and realize how ludicrous it really is. Unfortunately, there are thousands of people who have already read the AP article and connected Muhammad with radical black Muslims, rap music, the Denver Broncos secondary, and problems with the rainforest. I’ll just have to spend my time fuming and hoping that an AP reporter will someday create a connection between Charlton Heston, Puff Daddy, and Jabberjaw that results in an underwater rap video for the new hit “From my cold dead hand”.

What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage.
- Bruce Barton, 1886 - 1967

According to Gallup, American’s are getting fed up. But with hard data to support them, the Democrats are doing nothing to exploit the opportunity during this very critical election season.

73% of Americans rate their confidence in the economy as “fair/poor.” 49% say they are dissatisfied with the state of the nation, and 47% say it’s OK.

Wake up Dem’s! Instead of remembering the mantra, “It’s the economy, stupid” you are giving the Republicans a blank check to attack Iraq, yet handling North Korea, who is guilty of the exact same crimes, with baby gloves.

The top 10% control this country because the Democrats let them. Or, are the Democrats purchased by the same 10%? “For the first time in eight years, the poverty rate rose,” said Dick Gephardt on the floor of the House, but it fell upon the deaf ears of a public preoccupied with sniper attacks and rumors of war. The number of Americans living in poverty grew 1.3 million last year to 32.9 million.

Let’s look at the how the top 10% live, shall we…

Former Kmart CEO Charles Conaway received $23 million in compensation during his two-year tenure. When Kmart filed for bankruptcy in 2002, 283 stores were closed and 22,000 employees lost their jobs. Total amount of severance pay for them: $0.00.

Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski made nearly $467 million in salary, bonuses and stock during his four years running the company. Shareholders, on the other hand, lost $92 billion when Tyco’s market value plunged.

The year before Enron collapsed, Kenneth Lay made more than $100 million. After filing for bankruptcy, Enron lost $68 billion in market share, 5,000 employees lost their jobs and Enron workers lost $800 million from their pension funds.

Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott, Jr. received more than $17 million in total compensation in 2001. Now, Wal-Mart employees in 30 states are suing the company alleging that managers forced employees to punch out after an eight-hour work day, and then continue working for no pay. I guess the Fair Labor Standards Act does not apply to them.

More than 1 million U.S. corporations and individuals have registered as citizens of Bermuda to avoid taxes, a practice OK’d by the IRS. The IRS estimates that “tax-motivated expatriation” drains at least $70 billion a year from the U.S. Treasury. But if you were poor enough to apply for the Earned Income Tax Credit in 2001, your chance of being audited was 1-47. If you made more than $100,000 a year, your chance of being audited was 1-208.

In 2000, the average CEO earned more in one day than the average worker earned all year.

Democrat, Republican - what’s the difference? If a person didn’t need a billion spare dollars, I’d start my own political party, run by the bottom 90%. We are the majority, the people the Democrats supposedly represent.

It’s economic apartheid. Welcome to America.

I’ve always been told that people in California are either fruits or nuts. I want to say thank you to this Californian for confirming this trueism. A Californian woman is nuts about your nuts, or whats in them to be exact. I had no idea that your popluation yogurt could be so valuable. Something that’s so easy for us to come by, can now grant you two tickets to the world series. I’m not so sure I’d give up my guys for a sporting event, sure I’d give em out freely to some random at a bar, but she’s not intent on starting a family who roots for the Giants.

I was really, really, really not wanting to write anything about the DC Sniper. This guy is craving the attention. Not that SpittingLlamas.com is high-brow media read by millions, but the principle I was holding onto was just not to mention it at all.

But then I realized something about the DC Sniper. He’s a little, insignificant man. He finds his power by terrorizing people and holding or withholding them to certain behaviors out of fear. That’s where his power is held.

Then I realized something else. I’ve worked for snipers before. Some managers are snipers in the sense they hold their power over you with fear tactics. Instead of guiding you as an employee, mentoring your progress as you learn, and watching out for you as your boss, they use the fear that they are your boss. They don’t garner your respect - they force you to respect their position. They have to do it that way because they know they can’t win your respect with their intelligence or personality. About five years ago I worked for a guy that was a total ass. He had actually been hired in after me, replacing my old boss who moved on. The first day he started he walked up to me and said, “[The president of the company] said I could fire you if I wanted and hire a staffer I wanted, but I decided I’m not going to do that because I don’t want to go through the trouble of the hiring process right now.” Thanks. That’s what I want hanging over my head. I was this close ->