Dear Ted Turner,
Since it’s clear TNT is attempting to make its NBA halftime, pre-, and post-game reporting as offensive as possible, here are a few programming suggestions that’ll surely send your coverage to the ignorance pinnacle. Fire the well-spoken Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith. Those two guys don’t shoot off enough boorish, racist comments. Then add Pat Robertson and Jesse Helms to the squad. Teaming those two with Charles Barkley will send your prejudice points off the chart.

Just imagine the loutish exchanges. The attention-craving Barkley can dribble onward with last night’s informative diatribe on Indian givers and the fighting ability of every Chinese person. Robertson could take the pass and dish the data on why Muslims are just like the Nazi’s. Then Helms could slam home the bigoted fast break with a dunk on the volatility of all Latinos.

But don’t stop there, because if you’re going in the game, you might as well play hard. Keep the fast-paced intolerance running with constant misogynistic, homophobic traveling. Use a soundtrack filled with international white power music. Make sure the show is broadcast on channel 88. And, instead of referring to players by their names, call each by some catchy racist slur. Considering the expanding diversity of the NBA, you could offend the whole world.

Or — and I know this is just crazy talk — you could admit that being part of a group traditionally oppressed on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, sex, sexual orientation, disability, veteran or marital status does not create some xenophobic freedom. A foul is a foul no matter who’s doing the hacking, Mr. Tomahawk Chop. It’s time to take off the blindfold and blow your whistle.