Yes, our boards or foxor3d. We are trying to figure out the problem also. Our host made some upgrades, then our boards tanked. We are working on getting them back up and online. We are also working on a MAJOR visual upgrade to the site, so we apologize for the lack of daily posts.

This week has been a basket of fun and frolic. First, the Dixie Chicks pose nude on the cover of Rolling Stone. Let me be the first to say, they’re not nude and only two of them are worth seeing un-clothed. But when all the exciting body parts are covered, you’re not nude, plain and simple.

Shortly after, Madonna panned the US for our shallow scruples. She marries a British guy and suddenly she starts acting snobby. Honestly, it’s the best acting she’s ever done. I’d like to know how she thinks she can criticize anyone for anything. She’s had sex with hundreds, if not thousands of people.

Here is a list of people I could remember:
Dennis Rodman
That guy she’s currently married to
Warren Beatty
5 of her personal trainers
Rosie O’Donnell
Two of the Culkin brothers
Sean Penn
Boy Scout Troop 194

Oh, she’s also going to write some children’s books. Everybody Rubs Themselves in Public is expected out by Christmas.

Contrary to widely circulated reports, O.J. Simpson said Thursday he won’t be the star of a reality television show, but might consider becoming a news commentator for actor Robert Blake’s murder trial. I can’t wait to see this.

“Man, what that judge be thinking? He’s trippin.”

North Korea announced it has Nuclear Weapons this week also. Right after that they announced that nearly 1/2 of their population lives below the poverty level. Sounds like they have their priorities intact.

But my week was made when my son pointed something out. He certainly changed my perspective (again) this week. I was eat Corn on the Cob last evening. My son is a big fan of popcorn, so my wife pointed out that popcorn comes from Corn on the Cob. My son looked at her and said, “No mommy, popcorn comes from a bag.”

With the advent of Spring and its weird weather, the frolicking of Easter, and the oppressive nature of my bills, I find myself a little in limbo. It’s this sort of post-winter malaise that only Spring has the power to change. The green growth and the smell of flowering vines and budding trees binds one into a reverie that is simply unparalleled.

It’s sometimes hard to stay in touch with nature and the world around us. With all the technology and entertainment options we have, I sometimes find myself staring at nature through the window as though it’s a diorama in some museum. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that fake natural environments may be the only ones we will have left in years to come.

Yesterday, Earth Day passed with little fanfare and possibly less impact on the everyday lives of Americans than the thunder of death that continues to roll across the Atlantic from Africa. Contrary to a decade ago, the people of America seem less interested in environmental affairs. Sure, there are more groups and louder groups fighting to defend Gaia, but the average person seems to care less. I’m in the latter group most of the time.

But in celebration of nice weather and Earth Day, I laid down in my backyard last evening and wrestled with my dog. I planted a few flowers and trim some trees to keep them healthy. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Take of our own little corner of the world and try to block out the ever-increasing electromagnetic waves of ruin that pound our skulls.

Funny then that I blast this missive into the waves of collective ether from a room with a covered up window and conditioned air.

I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money.
- Arthur Godfrey, 1903 - 1983

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin, 1706 - 1790

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
- Herman Wouk

Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it in, and the politicians take it out.
- Will Rogers, 1879 - 1935

I just love them Spittin’ Llamas.

I’m a g33k. I often boil down the gist of my day into clearly defined segments. That’s what geeks do. We try to define things by mathematical equations. That also gives us a certain perspective on life shared by no one else &ndash binary thinking. Because we like things in binary, we tend to bring that logic out into the “real” world. It’s yes or no, a one or a zero, it works or it doesn’t. This allows us to cut through the gray of life very quickly.

For example, in high school I was going to meet a date at a party. After an hour I pretty much realized she wasn’t showing up. When I talked to her on the phone the next day, she had a length of excuses that, in her mind, made it OK for her to leave me hanging. Not where I live, sister. She didn’t show up where we agreed we would - end of story.

All these years later, I view things in very much the same way. I don’t over analyze too much. Recently, my wife and I were going to go out with a few friends. They agreed to meet us at our house. While we were getting ready, my wife says, “Gee, do you think we should have met them somewhere in the middle? You think they are going out of their way?”

I don’t care. They agreed to come to our house, if it was too far out of the way, they should have said something. In binary, that’s a 1. It’s not a 1 that might be a zero later, or a 1 that should have been a zero because 1 didn’t speak up.

And it’s an odd perspective since I’m in the field of marketing — where we try to blend lines as much as possible.

But this perspective on life is valuable. So much so I think everyone needs a little dose of it to help straighten out their lives. This type of linear thinking I call logic.

For example, I was recently forwarded an email that ended with this message:

If you forward to 11 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don’t know how…but it works. This is the coolest thing I’ve ever gotten! All you have to do is send it to 11 people and this little video comes up on your screen and shows the funniest clip. I can’t tell you what it is, but I couldn’t stop laughing so hard I was crying! So spend a few seconds to send this and you’ll be glad you did!

We’ve all gotten spammed. But for some reason when they end with things like this, people forward them along faster then a joint at a frat party.

For some reason, when claims are made under the patina of technology, people tend to believe them more.

I recall when my brother got his first PC two years ago. He called me to tell me about the Budweiser Frogs virus (yes, it’s still making its way around the Web). I was afraid that if I told him the truth of such things, I’d make him feel bad, so I opted to let him learn it on his own. I was just happy he was finally coming into the computer age.

But even if you are unfamiliar with the way things work, couldn’t a little binary thinking helped clear it up. Take the message above. When you read the line, “I can’t tell you what it is, but I couldn’t stop laughing so hard I was crying”, that should tip you off. If it was so funny, how’s come you can’t tell me what it is? Were you laughing so hard you shook the memory right out of your brain? Then you were laughing and couldn’t remember why?

That wackiness has us turned every which way. Similar to that old Gallagher joke, why do people park in driveways, but drive on parkways? Because we don’t have enough binary thinking, that’s why.

One area that had my binary mind aflutter is the war, of course. See for me, there are either weapons of mass destruction or their aren’t. It’s hard for me to support a war against an enemy that might have them, or might have them one day. I don’t think Saddam is a good guy by any means, but my scientific mind asks for more than a theory when it comes to such things. Especially when the theory comes from a guy that’s proud of his “C” average in college.

One area that has recently taken the brunt of my binary thinking is my hair. It’s a pain. It’s one more thing I have to keep clean. If it were up to me, and my wife wouldn’t kick me out, I’d shave my head clean. It’d be easy enough, too. I have to shave my face anyhow, so I could just keep going right on around.

I’ve noticed how many hundreds of hair care products we are assaulted with on a daily basis. One morning in the shower I read the back label of the conditioner bottle. Yeah, I read it. Stop laughing. I wondered why I needed to use that stuff, just beyond, “because I’m suppose to.”

According to this bottle, I need to use their conditioner because my hair is under a lot of stress and this wonderful concoction of natural herbs will help me have healthy hair.

Let me get this straight. The economy is in the can, we’re at war, I still have to get my taxes done, and it’s my hair that’s under stress?

My wife likes to buy Herbal Essence by Clairol. According to the TV commericals for this product, they call it an organic experience for your hair. It’s very sexually suggestive in the manner in which they film these commercials. According to Clairol, my hair is getting laid more than I am.

I care so little about my hair that I cut it myself. I have one of those trimmers with 400 attachments. I use two of them. One inch on top and half-inch on sides. Every month. Done. And it looks exactly the same as when I used to make an appointment and pay $30 at some salon. And I don’t have to look up into the armpit of the lady while she’s washing my hair in that curved little toilet bowl they use.

I’ll never have hip hair, but I’m ok with that. Just look at that lady. She has hip hair, but does she look happy? It looks like someone is forcing her to have her picture taken by holding her head in place. I don’t want that. I’m ok with boring, non-hip hair.

You can apply this binary thinking to things like dieting, too. I remember when my cousin was complaining about how she was having trouble loosing weight. Her comment was, “I’ve been buying the low fat brownies and I still can’t loose weight.” How about not buying any brownies period and buy more lettuce? See, binary thinking.

It’s the same logic I use when I hear the pontification about reporters dying in Iraq and how they were “only doing their jobs.” Yes, they were only doing their jobs… in a fucking war zone. And they got shot? You don’t say?

Sometimes I feel like this guy. Just a bunch of jumbled junk barely held together and forced to walk eternally.

I wonder if some of our soldiers in Iraq didn’t feel the same way after two weeks of crossing the deserts to Baghdad. One can only hope that we are near the end of this battle. The war is far from over, but this full-fledged onslaught may be nearing its end.

Arab Muslims from other countries are promising to come to Iraq’s aid which is just a veiled threat against the US. I fear that our soldiers and our citizens are facing a violent backlash against our actions in Iraq. We should have never touched any of the monuments in Baghdad. We should not be draping or flying US flags on anything but our people and our vehicles.

If there’s one thing we know about the Arab culture, it’s that it’s a culture of honor and reputation. The people of Iraq take their nationality and the symbols of that nationality very seriously. OK, so the statue of Saddam might should come down, but the US soldiers should not have helped. We cannot be seen as the conquerors of that land or its people.

Honestly, it’s too late for these words. The deeds have been done and filmed and beamed around the globe. What we should do now is prepare for the retribution.

Iraqi forces are victorious! We are pushing the coalition all the way back to Kuwait. Don’t be fooled by the man behind me. He is a house servant of his greatness Saddam. Go wash the floors now!”

The proud people of Iraq continue to stand behind their great leader, Saddam. Today we are united in anger against the evil Americans!

There are parties in the street! Our people are celebrating the destruction of the Coalition by the strong and mighty Iraqi army!

Why are you still here! I told you to wash the floors!”

The streets run with American blood! They fear the proud Iraqi army! They can not stand to our might.

Though, I’m willing to admit, the coalition may have gotten farther into Iraq than we had planned.

In this time we are told the US are liberators, returning the county of Iraq back to the Iraqi people.

What a load of crap. We are oil mongers. And the proof is in Congo.

Of course, you don’t know why. Because it’s not a hot topic on the news. Chris Mathews isn’t talking about it. Barbara Walters will never do a special from the Congo. No one is wearing a ribbon at the big award shows for them. There are no reporters embedded there.

But the proof to our actions, and the false actions of the world are being exposed in the Congo.

The French don’t even have a foot to stand on. Even the Germans are failures to the cause.

Wondering what I’m talking about?

The Congo is the home of the second worst war in world history – second only to World War 2.

But you’re saying, if its the second worst war in history, how’s come I have never heard of it? I don’t know. But keep asking. Someone should be asking.

Since 1998, 3.3 million people have been killed in the Congo as a result of their 5-year civil war. On April 7th, one thousand villagers were hacked to pieces by machetes. And we are talking women and children. A Congolese chief said on Tuesday his three young children and wife were slaughtered “like cows.”

He said some villagers fled into the bush and were chased and cut down by the attackers, who he said were militia from the rival Lendu tribe.

Five years, 3.3 million people.

Where are the arrogant speeches from the French? Where are the Germans who complain about American expansion? Where is the “peace-loving” United Nations? Where is anyone?

I will tell you why they anywhere but in the Congo. No Oil. No Coltan.

Shame be upon us all.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’. Need I say more?

– Chris Rock