It’s sensationalism at its greatest, folks. It has all the makings of a TV story of the week, a multi-million dollar lawsuit, and an eventual interview with Barbara Wah Wah. It has a baseball player. A bat. And a giant sausage.

I’m talking about Pittsburgh first baseman Randall Simon and the Milwaukee Brewers sausage mascots that he thumped on the head.

Here is the set up: during the Milwaukee vs Pittsburgh game, inbetwixt the 6th and 7th inning, several people dressed as various sausage products raced around the field. While running by the dugout, Simon hit the Italian sausage in the head with a baseball bat. It was clearly a joke. But the sausage, and the 19-year-old therein, fell down and scraped her knees.

The sheriff’s department then places Simon under arrest for assault. But I’m not hopping mad over the incident. I’m hopping mad over the media coverage. If you listen to CNN, ESPN, or read Yahoo! News, they will tell you Simon attacked the mascot. They are nearly trying to convince you Simon downed the sausage George Washington and the cherry tree style.

In fact, when I first read this, I thought Randall Simon was as bad as one of those other coke-snorting, wife-beating baseball players. So I jumped over to Feedroom.com to watch the video and… well, I laughed.

This is no attack, as the news media wants you to think. In fact, both teams should be thanking Simon and giving him a raise because this is the first time in months anyone has talked about another team besides the Yankees.

I’d like to see Simon go banzai on some news camera next.