“I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”

– Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Sean Hannity Radio Show, Aug 27, 2003.

I thought some of you might need a little pick me up on Friday. Something to get your blood flowing and your spirits in a jive fashion. If this little music video doesn’t make you bob your head like a chicken, then check your pulse.

The Republicans are taking us down a slippery slope. Normally when a politician is voted into office, those that didn’t vote for them have to wait to the next election to try to fire them. Unless you’re a Republican. Then you just recall the election and flood the ballot with your own candidates.

Governor Davis was elected into office for a second term last year. Republicans are now recalling the election in an attempt to displace democracy and our election system.

The main reason Republicans are recalling the election is the pour economic conditions of California. Let’s analyze this.

A one-time popular politician was narrowly voted into office. Since he has taken the helm there have been record deficits and an energy crisis. All his attempts are turning the economic woes around have failed.

Who are we talking about again? Governor Davis or President Bush?

After three tax cuts that have had no effect on the economy, even a poorly trained monkey in a diaper would have realized from the lack of cause & effect that it’s not working. Instead we are being left with one of the largest budget deficits in history.

Let’s not forget he was voted into office with only 531 more votes than Al Gore. So here Bush sits. Voted into office by a very narrow victory, unable to fix a failing economy and gas prices are flirting with $1.90 (here in central Ohio anyway).

What should we do? Recall Bush?

This is a dangerous path the Republicans are taking us down. Now, instead of going from one election to another, campaigning to get your person in office, you can simple recall the vote if you don’t like the job they are doing. Is this a precedent we want to set?

California, here is your solution. Vote for the porn star. Forget Arnold. Even forget Gray Davis. Vote for the porn star. Send a message nationwide that we don’t the elections of the people tampered with. No party can be a sore looser. One report says that the recall will cost $65 million. Turn the mockery into an embarrassment for the establishment. Let them know that you, the voter, can’t be pushed around.

I love new technology. Especially when I can bend it to my will.

See what I’m talking about.

Should we be surprised that suburban teens are tricking for mall money when music and videos have made pimping such a cool lifestyle? Absolutely! We should be dumbfounded.

While many pundits and activists blame the money grubbers at MTV and BET, I’m amazed at the lack of explanation linking the glorification of pimping to the surprising rise in prostitution. A recent article on MSNBC detailed the increase in girls who “aren’t forced into prostitution but instead appear to sell themselves for thrills, or money, or both.”

That same article went on to quote from Rapper Jay-Z’s hit song “Big Pimpin’.” The song includes the lyrics, “I thug ‘em, f–k ‘em, love ‘em, leave ‘em/Cause I don’t f–kin’ need ‘em/Take em out the hood, keep ‘em lookin’ good/But I don’t f–kin’ feed ‘em.” Of course that’s what he does. They’re hoes. That’s what pimps do to hoes. And that’s exactly why we should be surprised. These articles are implying a connection between “pimp music” and prostitution booms, but they are not explaining how one begot the other.

While such songs clearly glorify pimping, they also just as plainly denigrate hoes to a level beneath dirt. So, how can music that makes pimping seem cool create a rise in the very people destroyed by pimps? Surely, the activists and columnists aren’t suggesting that teenage girls are becoming prostitutes because they’re excited by the possibility of being forced to screw horny old men for 200 bucks, 150 of which they’ll pass on to their abusive pimps. Surely, the only means of excitement available in the suburbs isn’t hoeing. Surely, there aren’t tons of young girls pining to be beat up and infected with deadly STDs.

Of course not. While the idea of music’s glorification of pimping makes sense at first glance, particularly when such music is degrading to the utmost, the theory is misplaced and overly simplistic. If the blame must be placed on the images kids devour daily while staring blankly at music videos, put that blame on the idolization of money and the idea that women’s only value is a sexual one. (Dollar, dollar bill, y’all).

That’s the reason Missy goes to the mall to hang with her friends and eat a pretzel, but winds up doing three guys at a local motel for $250 she can spend at the local Wet Seal. It’s all about the Benjamins and feeling wanted. Pimps can prey at malls because they know teen girls want to feel valued. And they also want clothes, purses, and everything else their parents’ credit cards can only buy so much of. We’re a society of consumers. We always want to consume more. And it doesn’t help that music videos and commercials between the videos encourage such expensive behavior.

So, until we can convince each teenage girl that she’s valued for something other than her body and the expensive regalia she wraps it in, we’ll continue to see an increase in teen prostitution. America needs to tell its daughters that while Snoop don’t love them hoes, their parents certainly do. And that’s all that matters.

The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office is projecting a federal budget deficit of $401 billion by year end. But there’s no need to worry. I have a solution that will help shave a few billion off that number in a single weekend: The Spitting Llamas 2003 Federal Budget Deficit Car Wash and Bake Sale.

At this point, your basic wash is going to run about $1 million, but if you buy the value pack for $1.5 million, we’ll wash your car, vacuum the interior, and give you two chocolate chip cookies. Details to come.

Let me see your bush.