The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office is projecting a federal budget deficit of $401 billion by year end. But there’s no need to worry. I have a solution that will help shave a few billion off that number in a single weekend: The Spitting Llamas 2003 Federal Budget Deficit Car Wash and Bake Sale.

At this point, your basic wash is going to run about $1 million, but if you buy the value pack for $1.5 million, we’ll wash your car, vacuum the interior, and give you two chocolate chip cookies. Details to come.