So, a few caring people opted to give you U.S. legal tender instead of wrapping up that longed after gizmo for you?
Before you head off to the mall (I thought we left mall’s behind in the 90s?), why don’t you check out our store? There are no lines. We promise.
More products are being added each week. And we are trying to stuff it full of clever humor. For you Dan Brown fans:
Yes, we are still alive here, though taking it easy during the holidays.
While you are relaxing and drinking egg nog, help Michael Jackson keep those boys from escaping!
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
This is a concept that men need to latch onto with dear life - the safety gift. The concept itself is very simple. Always have a spare gift jammed in your closet, especially during holiday season. You never know when you may need it.
Here is a great example, and I’m sure some of you guys out there have experienced this. You are spending some quality, romantic time with the lady when she says, “let’s not worry about buying each other gifts this year.”
And you make the BIG mistake - you fall for it. Under normal circumstances you would have been wise enough to see through this guise. But you’re a man and sometimes your brain stops working. You think this one time your lady may be actually telling the truth.
You’re so screwed.
Gift day comes, and after spending the required time with the family comes the inevitable, “I know we said we weren?t going to buy anything, but I got this little thing for you.”
Followed by the look that says, “Did you get me anything?”
Then, followed by the look that says, “You didn’t get anything, did you?”
Quickly followed by the look that says, “You rotten asshole! I knew I should have listened to my mother when she told me to drop you like a bad rash!!”
This is when you bust out the safety gift. “Oh, it’s in my closet.”
Followed by the look that says, “maybe you’re not so bad after all, despite your small penis.”
A journal is a nice safety gift. Simple, yet effective. Especially if accompanied by a card that says, “so you can write down all our great moments together.”
To score extra great point, and to make her forget about your penis-size or lack there of, pull out a handmade safety gift. Or, at least one that looks handmade. She’ll be putty in your hands, and the painful reminder that “let’s not buy each other gifts” never really means that will be not so painful.
Just another public service announcement from your friends at SpittingLlamas. Happy holidays. Just another public service announcement from your friends at SpittingLlamas. Happy holidays.