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In fact, this change should be transparent to those of you using the feed. If you are using our feed, please use the new URL to update your subscriptions. The old URL will continue to work for some time, but I’m not sure when/if we will discontinue it, so check this space for more news.

One of the finest skits ever done was recently aired on Chappelle’s Show. A scathing, yet surprisingly warm montage of events from Rick James’ life. It’s boldy memorialized at the site I link below.

I’m Rick James, Bitch

If you aren’t watching Dave Chappelle’s show, then you are really missing out on some edgy, well-written, and fearlessly done comedy. Kudos to Comedy Central for continuing to push the envelope with shows such as Chappelle’s Show and Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. It’s quickly becoming one of the first channels I turn to when I watch TV.

My dog is a whiny bitch. So, here I am at 4:30 in the morning with these ideas running through my head. I figure I better share this wisdom with the rest of the world.

Why is everyone so keen on living longer? You’ve got people who insist on eating 6 meals during the day instead of three. They eat low carb/high protein diets and workout 6 times a week. They don’t drink any soft drinks; take water only. All this so that they can be healthier and live longer.

Sure, they may not so that it’s to prolong their life. They probably proclaim that they want to feel healthy and have more energy now and that a longer life is just a fringe benefit. I don’t know about you but thinking so much about what I eat and drink would cause me so much anxiety that I would die from worry. Plus, who the hell has the time to do all that bullshit.

You might feel healthier and have more energy, but you are too busy working out and planning meals, not to mention going to your job, that you don’t have time to enjoy your new-found Greek god status. In the end, they want to leave longer and we all know that’s the truth.

What’s wrong with that you ask? Well, my theory is that you shouldn’t worry about eating that KFC 2-piece and a biscuit and shaving a year of your life. The reason is that you are shaving off the bad years. You are actually making your overall life better. You are getting rid of those years at the end of your life where you can’t fuck, can’t drink, can’t remember, and some poorly paid nursing home worker is wiping your ass twice a day. Who wants those years?

I say, keep those years, I want to enjoy the 60 or so I figure I have in any damn way I please. Everyone knows that those last 20 or so are just spent watching your friends and family die. Oh yeah, as a nice little bonus, you don’t have to work any more during those years either. So, you get to sit around your empty house trying to recall the glory years.

Some of you may complain that I have a dim view of being elderly. Yeah, it’s because being elderly is shit. Everyone panders to you like a child. No one thinks that you are capable of doing anything. So, even if you end up being a strapping healthy 87-year-old like my grandfather-in-law, who can still drive and do lots of fun things, your family treats you like an infant and calls to check up on you every hour. I’m sure he’s thinking that they are counting down the days until they get to split the inheritance.

He’s not only an exception to my rule, but also an example of how even when it’s good and you stay healthy for a long time, it can still really suck during those later years. You never hear any of these preople who reach their centennial say, “I ate 6 meals a day, avoided cholesterol and fatty foods. I drink very little and never smoked.” It’s a crap game, folks, and sometimes you roll snake eyes and sometimes you don’t.

So drink up and clean your plate, Old Man Death is coming and you want to be in prime fighting shape when he shows up.

I spent far too much time in front of screens this weekend. But I view it as a small sacrifice that prevents the good readers of spittingllamas.com from enduring the same entertainment pains.

Friday: “Monster” - Charlize Theron definitely deserves that Oscar nomination. The movie, on the other hand, could’ve been better.

Friday/Saturday: NBA All-Star Kick-off - Why were there celebrities on the floor and not in the stands where they belong? Worst Slam Dunk Contest ever! (Just a side note. If you’re cooking filet mignon, make sure you heat the grill or pan enough. Otherwise, you risk toughening up a glorious cut of beef.)

Sunday: “The Butterfly Effect” Awesome idea. Started out great. Sadly, about 20 minutes in, the script became riddled with millions of tiny holes. Later that night, NBA All-Star Game. One of the best I’ve seen. Much later that night, “Bad Apple” on TNT. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Fuck that. I got her a gift basket and some flowers.

How appropriate that Friday the 13th, a day recognized for bad luck and movie murders, comes just before Valentine’s Day, a 24-hour period synonymous with bad, yet expensive gifts and the continuation of relationships that make a spike to the dome seem like a ride at Disneyland.

As with all technology, there’s a bit of a glitch with our forums. I am working feverishly on my real work, so that I can make some time to get this fixed.

Sorry for any inconvenience to the two people who were addicted to our forums. I will post an update when I have them back up and running.