I get Olympic fever each time. If I could tape my eyelids open Tom & Jerry style, I would. You do remember that cat and mouse cartoon from the early 80s, don’t you? Anyhow, a few things came to my mind while I was watching the sports orgy we call the Olympiad.

First of all… Misty May. This last week her name was the third most searched for phase on search engines. I’m guessing everyone was trying to find out if she’s a lesbian or not. If I was a bettin’ man, I’d say yes.

I mean, did you see that gold medal celebration? That straddle hug in the sand followed by that ass slap had a soft-core, direct-to-DVD porn style quality to it. Wonderfully delicious, I tell you. The whole week of Women’s Beach Volleyball, pictures of those skimpy suits dominated Yahoo! News’s Most Popular listing.

But the part I really enjoyed was watching the sports that only get TV time once every four years. I didn’t care about the men’s basketball Dream Team, even when Haiti nearly beat them. I can watch basketball 35 weeks a year. But you only get to see trampoline gymnastics at the Olympics. Yes, trampoline gymnastics. People on trampolines, jumping 40 feet in the air with a high potential to wipe out–just the type of sport I like to watch. I think the more spectacular the wipe out the more bonus points you should get.

I did feel though, that the idea behind the Silver medal is flawed. For many sports, the person who looses the Gold medal match gets the Silver. And another match gives the Bronze to a winner. In other words, the Silver medal is the loser’s medal. The person who wins the Bronze gets to tell their grandkids about how they trained hard, got to the Olympics, and beat their opponent to win the Bronze. The person with the Silver gets to tell their grandkids they got it when Sparky McToot of Crapistan beat his ass in Greco Roman Wrestling.

Here is how to resolve it. The loser of the Gold Medal match competes in another match for the Silver. Whoever loses the Silver Medal match competes for the Bronze. That would ensure each medal goes to a winner, not a looser. Yes it means more matches, but it’s better for everyone. We get to see more events, and McDonald’s get the chance to slap more logos on the screen.

Now that I’ve come down from my Olympic high, I can get ready for my next favorite sport–the political convention.

The Secret Service is investigating the online posting of personal information about Republication National Convention delegates. The probe is focused on anonymous posts to a Web site operated by the Independent Media Center, self-described as “a network of collectively run media outlets for the creation of radical, accurate and passionate tellings of the truth.”

The most interesting part of this ‘investigation’ is that the information posted is publicly available. So, to review, the Secret Service is investigating the public dissemination of publicly available information. The rationale behind this inquiry is that the posting of this information could subject the delegates to harassment, acts of violence, or identity theft.

Apparently, the people who plan such acts are motivated enough to harass delegates, commit violent acts, and steal identities, but just a bit too lazy to actually seek out the information on their own. So, really, the Secret Service is doing us a favor by investigating the enablers of terrorist slackers who would never have the attention span to actually watch the delegates’ faces plastered across television screens.