It’s spring here in Ohio and we are starting to come out of our last winter rains and finally seeing the sunlight. It gets me thinking about bike riding again.

Thanks to my Plantar Fasciitis, running is no longer an option and biking has become my means of keeping the lard off my ass.

My bike is a monster. I purchased it at Target. It weights as much as a bus and its bright red. It’s as visible as Cher at the Grammy’s.

When I ride, I wear cargo shorts, an old Star Wars t-shirt, and a bike helmet that so completely does not match the color of my bike, that it could only be worse if I wore a dirty bucket on my head.

Serious bikers scoff at all of this, of course.

They have the pro bikes that weight 10 pounds. They wear spandex to minimize wind resistance and have helmet the same color as their bike. Some guys even shave their legs, again, to minimize wind resistance. Occasionally, you’ll see a guy boldly wearing a yellow spandex riding shirt, as if he was winning the Tour de France, or some sort of tour that hits my neighborhood every Saturday morning.

Here’s my question: If these ultra-serious bike riders are trying so hard to take the work out of riding, then why don’t they just drive? I bet 10-1 odds that I get better exercise, whereas they get… what? Seen?