I already have the paltry social skills of a savant. I just lack the memory.

I’ve been telling people that Larry the Cable Guy was just an act. The guy is no more redneck or country than George Bush is Texan, but none of the yokels here in Georgia would believe me. That all changes now. Here he is performing as himself, Dan Whitney.

Credit for the saying goes to Cosbysweater. It was a stroke of genius.

Oedipus, was a bad, mother fucker by aezell
Get this custom t-shirt at Zazzle

Probably more accurate than the real Homeland Security briefings.

So maybe I’m bored. So what…

I goof of a bit when I have some downtime. Big deal.

Then sometimes I cross something cool. Like today when I was messing around with Google Maps.

Look at this link. If you look at the square right in the middle, it looks very much like an iPod.

Sure, it’s like seeing shapes in clouds, but you had to admit that’s pretty darn close.

A 62-year-old woman delivered her 12th child on Friday. She gave birth to a healthy 6-pound, 9-ounce baby boy, becoming one of the oldest women in the world to successfully bear a child.

But my question is…

…who in the world could pork that 12-times?!

I’m lucky. The company copy/fax/printer/scanner/pedicure machine sits right outside my office. Most days it’s a pain in the ass.

People are always walking in front of my office and many of them feel compelled to say something to me – even if it’s just a “Hey, Mark.” Maybe they think they need to be polite, when in actuality, all they are doing is annoying me. I wouldn’t mind if there was even a small regard to the times when I’m on the phone. But they don’t notice.

Not to mention I get to hear the machine run all day as it makes every copy for the company.

But sometimes… sometimes, it’s a blessing. Thanks to that machine I get to overhear, to my delight, just how stupid some people are. It’s even more fun when it’s someone that bothers me.

Like just now.

Woman #1 was making copies. Woman #2 walks up and asked #1 how she got the machine to print on blue paper. Woman #1 says, “Oh, I just put blue paper in the machine is all.”

About 10 minutes later, I hear random grumbling from outside my office. Woman #2 is back and clearly she is waging war with the copy/fax/printer/scanner/frappuccino machine.

Woman #1 walks by, to which Woman #2 says, “Hey, I can’t get it to print on blue paper the way you just did.”

This kicks off 10-minutes of activity, of what I’m sure the two women would call “troubleshooting”, but I would call “completely random-ass button mashing.”

This eventually leads to them asking me for help. The sign on my door says, Webmaster, but it’s commonly known that title also qualifies me as “anything-remotely-related-to-technology-expert.”

So I wander out to look at our copy/fax/printer/scanner/schnauzer-grooming machine to see why it won’t print on blue paper.

I have a hunch. So I decide to check my hunch first.

I lift up the top lid. Sure enough, Woman #2 put a piece of blue paper on the glass, closed the top, hit print, and expected the machine to copy the blue color of the paper with her report.

I left it to Woman #1 to explain the intricacies of the feed tray.

This is absolutely hilarious.

Verena Vlajo, 24, from Austriais the first-ever woman to participate in the World Cyber Games competition. Asked if she has any strategy for gaining an edge over other gamers, she replied, “distraction.”

I’m not going to describe the method in which my dishwasher decided to die last night. But I bet if you use your imagination, you can get a pretty clear picture.