“[I]f you’re rooting for a certain outcome, it kinda shows. And I just want a good show. I just want a good story that’s fun to talk about … “

Have you ever wondered if people who say things like “she needs to get a life” and “he has too much time on his hands” are merely jealous of the people about whom they’re speaking or ashamed that they themselves aren’t doing much with their own lives?

Marriage can be an odd thing, really. But after awhile it seems that marriage becomes an excuse to show off your worst side to your spouse.

When people are at work, engaged at their career, they try to be their best. Or at least I do. I want to be the smart person in the room. The person with the answers. The person that can drive the project to successful completion.

But some days are just hard. You get frustrated and angry at the people you work around. But you don’t release it, keeping in mind one must be “professional” whilst at work.

So what do you do? You take it home. You get home and feel “safe” so you complain to your spouse about your stupid co-workers and that stupid supplier that just can’t get it right.

We even dress better at work, then come home and change into grungy, or rather “comfortable” clothes.

In the meantime, your spouse has the opposite experience. They go to work, a building of people trying to put forward the best side. Then they come home to you – complaining, tired, hungry. Literally, you at your worst.

A comedian, I can’t remember who now, once said, “I thought people got married because they could no longer hold in their gas.” You wouldn’t fart on a date.

Is that what people want to come home to? A complaining, tired, farting spouse?

At some point, that has to take a toll on the relationship. At what point are you just failing to measure up to the better dressed, smart people at work your spouse see’s everyday?

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

– Dave Barry

Here are a few assumptions on my part.

I’m assuming that gay men have a lot of sex. Especially gay men living as a couple. Being that they are men and we all know the sex drive men have. Maybe everyday?

Conversely, does that mean Lesbians couples only have sex three, maybe four times a year?

My mind just kinda wanders as I drive to work.

I have a new job with a desk next to a window that overlooks the parking lot. As I sat there today and noticed a guy go outside for smoke breaks at least five times, I wondered if there’s any other act that an employer would essentially overlook throughout the work day. Would it be acceptable for me to go outside for reading breaks every couple of hours? Could I stand just outside the backdoor and watch my new video iPOD (?) 10 minutes at a time and not get harassed by HR? Or does it have to be something more habit-like? Just wondering.

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. — Edith Sitwell

I’m tired of trying to find myself.

American pop-psychology is full of people “finding themselves.” So we read books about how they found themselves, and mostly, I think it’s more about your money finding their bank account.

And all the time I’m thinking: I don’t have many friends. Others seem to be having more “fun” with life than me — whatever “fun” means.

Yet I wonder if I had the chance to ask, say, the Dali Lama a question, he’d answer, “Son, I’m just as lost as you.”

I’m tired of trying to find myself. I’m going to start inventing myself.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

– Ed Gardner

Has anyone else noticed that when George Bush says the word “power,” it sounds an awful lot like when some dillhole redneck says “power” when he’s saying “White Power?”

Since when did it become OK to talk on a cellphone during a school class?

I have a nice dress shirt, several in fact, and the last buttonhole is horizontal instead of vertical. Why?